My Feelings
by anime kaz
Summary: Calem admires Serena beyond that of a normal rival and all he wants is for her to admire him. Serena feels at loss when Calem is not by her side and just wants to be with him. Are such feelings more then what they seem? are these the averaged feelings of rivals or are they feelings of something much more meaningful?
1. admire me

Okay I am so very addicted to Pokémon X Y at the moment so I had to type this. Will include some spoilers. Oh and I don't own Pokémon just a copy of the game :D

My feelings  
Part one  
Admire me.

I looked at the beautiful girl as I laid her in her bed. She was sleeping soundly as I pushed her dark bangs from her eyes. Whilst I took her white cycling cap from her head and placed it on her bed side table, I contemplated taking her hair out of its long thick pigtails but if she was to wake up I wouldn't know what to do. Why am I so in awe of this girl? When did it all begin?

I remember when I first met her at her home. I was doing the neighbourly thing and welcoming her to the town. Shauna was with me to and we were greeted with a nervous dart of her blue eyes. She seemed quiet and shy and was surprised to find Shauna glomping onto her arm and dragging her to the next town, me close behind with my hands in my pockets.

I watched them from behind, her dark hair bounced as she giggled and occasionally her eyes glanced back at me to check if I was still there. I simply smiled at her reassuringly and soon we were at the usual café with our other friends Tierno and Trevor. I watched on as she slowly opened up, accepting the nick name lady S and slowly she seemed more confident. She began seeming like her real self and I just kept watching her.

When we got our first Pokémon her eyes lit up and her smile was from ear to ear as she held the little fennekin close to her chest. That image is ingrained in my mind, the girl with the captivating smile and the Pokémon that seemed to instantly bond with her.

But the awe began to grow when we battled for the mega ring. Who would have the right to use it and who would have to continue fighting in hopes to one day gain it. It wasn't even close. Her Pokémon were determined, strong and passionate just like her and I was left behind. I could not see my last Pokémon fall I simply watched her as realisation replaced the look of determination on her face, a mixture of utter joy and a hint of apology followed soon after. Her kind heart rebuked her for winning but that is how life is.

And I was jealous. I was jealous of her passion her determination and her strength. I was jealous of how easy it was for her to make friends with Pokémon. They followed her, she didn't even have to battle them to catch them if she didn't want to, and they would follow her like ducklings following their mother.

That was the moment I realised my need to become a better trainer. And so I left her side. I travelled solo in hopes to improve. I wanted to gain that power, that determination and that passion she had when she battled. Her elegant moves, the strength in her voice, the resolve in her eyes, I wanted to be like that to.

And then there was team flare. We made it to their hide out and for the first time we battled side by side. I felt like I was aided by an angel, her grace had become even more pronoun and her passion stronger then I could have known. I was in awe of her skills, of her beauty, of her. Her Pokémon were well trained and loyal. Never have I seen such Pokémon like hers. Her little fennekin had become a beautiful Delphox and walked by her side where ever she went, it did not even think of leaving its beloved place by her side. And again I was jealous. I was jealous of that spot it had taken although I do not know why.

We saved the Xerneas, the legendary Pokémon sealed in that device and again I watched it follow her. When the place began to cave in I grabbed her hand and pulled her down the hallways, Shauna close behind. Her hand was soft and warm, her foot steps behind me sounded soft and graceful.

I met her next at the caves leading to the battle grounds of the elite four. Again I battled her but as much as I improved she improved also and again I failed. But her voice was soft, her eyes kind as she took my hand and pleaded me to be by her side as she took on the elite four. I could not refuse, I could not take my hand away from hers and I could not tear my eyes from her face.

Again I watched her battle, she took down the elite four with ease, and she even defeated Diantha with barely a sweat. My awe had to be at its peak, it could not grow. I wanted so badly to be like her. But why was this need so great? Was this the need, the urge of the average rival?

The constant battles left her exhausted but Diantha took us both by the hand and lead us to a parade of heroes. One we were both part of. And then he appeared. The man was a giant, his hair long and scraggly like he had wondered the earth. He challenged her and despite her fatigue she accepted with a resolute nod. She passed me her bag and removed a single pokeball. I tried to dissuade her, he had more Pokémon! He had strong Pokémon but she answered me with a smile and the words "He wants to know what it's about. I want to show him the truth behind Pokémon battles and the only one that can really show him that is the one I have shared this journey with from the very start."  
My heart pounded at those words. Her love her friendship her bond with her Pokémon was admirable and her in general was what made me admire her.

Again I thought this must be the peak of my admiration it was far greater than before.

She defeated him easier than anyone I had seen before; his Pokémon didn't even deliver a move to her Delphox. The crowd roared and even the beautiful sight of that man reunited with his Pokémon friend did not tear my gaze away from her.

The only thing that took my gaze from her was the violent shake to my arm by my friend Shauna. "Calem! The crowd is too much. She is tired and overwhelmed! What should we do?!" Her eyes were terrified and when I turned back to Serena I saw the panic behind her smile as the crowd pressed ever closer to her. I had to help her.

I dug into her bag and pulled out the master ball, releasing Xerneas and jumping on its back. It knew what I thought, it saw its beloved master in need of help and it dashed into the crowd. I called out her name and her eyes locked onto mine in surprise. That moment made my heart leap. For the first time our eyes were locked and I could not explain the feeling that overwhelmed me.

The man that she had just beaten lifted her high above the crowd and placed her in front of me on the back of her Pokémon. She recalled Delphox to her pokeball and Xerneas bounded through the crowd and out of the city.

"Calem." Her voice was soft and sweet. I loved her soft kind voice. "Thank you." And she leaned back into my chest as she whispered again "Thank you". I didn't move. I didn't speak. I could not make a move and my face felt like it was on fire. I prayed she could not hear or feel my pounding heart. And it was then I realised why I wanted to get stronger, why I wanted to grow more determined, why I wanted to show the passion she did.

I wanted her to admire me. I wanted her to watch me as I smiled. I wanted her to be in awe of me. I wanted her to love me like I loved her.

I loved her. It was the first time I had thought of it and the feeling inside of me grew stronger with the realisation it was true.

And now here I am. Sitting on the edge of her bed and watching her sleep. I will get stronger and then when she is there, watching me, admiring me … maybe I can then tell her how I feel. She may not accept it but I will have the confidence to tell her.

A light caught the corner of my eye and I jumped in shock as I found Delphox staring at me. "I was just bringing her home! Honestly I just put her down!" Delphox looked at the clock and back at me with a doubtful look.

I removed my hat and ruffled my hair in embarrassment that a Pokémon could see right through me. I sighed with a smile at the fox pokѐmon and patted it on the head.

"Look out for her okay." And I left her behind again. I had to become stronger so she could admire me.


	2. feelings of loss

My Feelings  
Part two  
Feeling of loss

"You were really great Delphox, Thank you." I said as I sat down on the steps of the battle Maison. Delphox sat next to me then laid its head in my lap with the cutest of sounds. I giggled as I scratched its ear before sighing and looking up at the star lit sky. Ever since that parade I have felt at loss.

When I awoke in my bed I found my Delphox fast asleep next to me, unaware of the fact it had grown a lot bigger since its former days of a fennekin. My other five Pokémon where scattered around the room, likely my mother letting them out of their pokeballs for some air. But despite the pleasant scene before me that feeling of loss was strong.

I stammered out into the bright morning light to find Shauna smiling like always. Part of me wished it was him smiling and waiting for me.

We traded Pokémon and then I asked her the question that plagued my mind. I asked what had happened. How did I end up home?

"Calem of course! Don't you remember? He let Xerneas out and rode it into the crowd! He was very heroic and rode out of town with you. By the time I got here to find you he was leaving. He thought it best to let you sleep so I have been waiting for you to wake up." I remembered now. I remembered riding away with him and I remembered leaning back on his chest. He was so warm, so comfortable. I didn't feel lost for once. But that feeling had returned.

My face grew warm at the memory and I turned to Shauna and took her hands. "Where is he now? I have to thank him."

She blinked in shock at my sudden movement but smiled sweetly as she replied "I don't know. He left straight away. Didn't even go home."

Since then I travelled from town to town looking for him. Asking all the friends we have made and never finding him.

I arrived in Geosenge Town and all but ran into Trevor. His pokedex in hand. We talked, compared pokedexs and then I asked him if he had seen Calem. He replied with a shake of the head.

We both shared a room in the Pokémon centre that night. He fell asleep talking about the next area he would search for Pokémon and I lay on my bunk with Delphox, staring at the roof. Why did I feel this feeling of loss and when did it start?

I had a small sense of this feeling before we moved to this region but I lost it when I was first greeted by my neighbours. I was nervous, unsure of how to make new friends, scared that they may not like me. But Shauna grabbed my arm and did not let it go. She dragged me along talking so much I barely got a word in edge wise. I laughed with her; my fear slowly began to disappear. I looked behind us to find Calem slowly walking with us. He looked at me and smiled a smile that set my nerves at ease. That feeling of loss was always with me for as long as I could remember. My mother felt it was due to my dad's passing when I was a child. But no matter how that feeling started I definitely noticed that it had gone.

But lying in that bed, I had never felt a greater loss.

I next managed to find Tierno in Coumarine. My large friend with the kindest smile. He of course wanted to see one of my Pokémon with a dance move of some kind. I sadly could not fulfil his wish. We sat on a nearby bench overlooking the railway tracks and the ocean. I then asked him the question I asked everyone and he saw the look of concern on my face. His large hand patted my head gently as he answered "No. but I am sure he is working hard. You are his rival after all and he just wants to become a better trainer for your sake."

Again I spent a night in the Pokémon centre. There were no rooms available so Tierno and myself found some couches facing each other to sleep on and Nurse Joy made sure we had pillows and blankets. Again I spent most of the night talking to a friend and again the friend fell asleep first and again my thoughts were on this feeling of loss.

It had remained dormant for a while after meeting my new friends. Me and Calem travelled together for a while but after our battle for the mega ring it all changed. I felt bad for beating him. He really wanted to harness mega evolution and I saw the look on his face of disappointment when he lost. But I wanted it to and sadly only one could carry it. If I knew what losing that match meant for him I would have lost on purpose.

Whilst Korrina intrusted Lucario with me Calem disappeared. Our friends explained that he wanted to journey by himself from then on. That was when the feeling returned with a vengeance. And I hated it.

I visited the professor in his lab next. He checked my pokedex and congratulated me and I asked him the repeated question that was at the forefront of my mind.

"Sorry. I haven't seen him since he rode off with you into the sunset. Is everything okay?" I teared up for a moment and scared professor Sycamore and he fretted as he tried to calm me down. I did not cry. I haven't cried for years and years but the tears that welled in my eyes were enough to wet my lashes. Professor Sycamore finally took my shoulders and smiled. "As long as you train harder I know you will meet him again. Do not worry." And with that he let me spend the night at his lab. His assistant showed me to a couch and again I lay awake and stared at the ceiling.

I reached up and stared at my hand. I recalled the feeling of him taking my hand and holding it tight as we fled the collapsing underground building the device was housed in, with Xerneas and Shauna. But I was not scared. I watched his back and listened to his footfalls. His hand was large and rough but so warm. I didn't want to let go. The thought of letting go made me dread that feeling of loss returning but return it did.

I then thought I would see him challenging the elite four. He had wanted to before but I had asked him to be by my side. I had to challenge them again and after each match I asked them about him. Each one was defeated by him and I thought I would have been happy to hear about that. But I wasn't.

I know I was the one to ask him to be with me when I challenged them but I thought he might ask me the same. I thought I would be able to watch him battle. Why did I ask him to come with me?

Ever since he left my side I wanted to be stronger, I worked harder, because Shauna said he was my rival and I longed to battle him and just see him. Every time we crossed paths I grew excited and the feeling of loss vanished. I tried to grasp onto every moment I had with him for as long as I could but every time he left my side that feeling returned stronger than before. I began to realise this feeling was very different from the one I felt before moving to this region. Since the first time he left my side the feeling of loss was different, it was nothing like it had been before.

When I battled him before the Elite four he tried to leave again but I grabbed his hand, I could not look directly in his eyes because I was afraid of the look he would return to me. A look of annoyance. But he agreed. He actually agreed and I was over joyed. I did not let his hand go until we were in the battle grounds for fear he would change his mind. I….I just thought that if he was there the feeling would be gone and it was. If he was there I could focus on my battles and I did. If he was there I was more confident and I was.

After my second battle with Diantha I placed my pokeballs into the provided spaces and as the machine loaded their data I asked her to. She smiled as she spoke "It was an amazing battle. He beat me with speed and accuracy. He reminded me of you, those determined eyes. Why not go to Kiloude? I feel you will meet him there."

A new hope entered me and my smile grew back to its former self. Diantha allowed me to stay with her that night and again my thoughts were on him. I was so excited at the prospect of seeing him that feeling of loss dulled. And I thought back to the last time I felt this happy, the time he saved me during the parade, riding Xerneas through the crowd as he took me to safety. Before he reached me though, I heard him call out my name. Not that silly nickname all my friends had chosen for me but my actual name and my heart skipped a beat. I looked at him and for the first time I looked him straight in the eyes. They were beautiful so full of emotion, so determined. My heart pounded so hard and yet I didn't mind.

Once we had gotten out of the town I was exhausted. I had not slept for two days and I had battled constantly till that point. I wanted to stay awake, I wanted to just be with him but sleep was stronger than my will and I lost to it.

And now here I am. Sitting on the steps of the battle Maison; Delphox now asleep with its head on my lap. I did not find Calem when I got here. I searched the town and even spent a day at the battle maison in hopes he was there looking for a battle.

I know now what that feeling of loss is. It is because I want to be with him. Every moment of the day I want to be at his side. I…I love him. I have since we had first met. But it was only when we parted ways I noticed. And it wasn't until arriving at this town I realised it was love.

I just want to see him.

I just want to see him.

I….I just want to see him!

My tears steak my face as I bit my lip. I tried to catch them on my cheek but a few escaped my fingers and dripped onto Delphox's nose. Delphox sat up and looked at me with those sweet questioning eyes and I could no longer control my tears at all and my sobs escaped my lips.  
"I JUST WANT TO SEE HIM!" I cried as I struggled to breathe. Delphox closed its eyes and twitched its ears. Standing up it smiled before running off.

"D….del….DELPHOX WAIT!" I jumped to my feet and ran after her. My tears eventually dried as we ran and ran. Was she trying to take my mind off of him with a run? We always loved running together. And she hated seeing me sad.


	3. our feelings

My feelings  
Part three  
Our feelings

"Do you think I am ready, Greninja?" Calem asked as he looked out at the small lake at the back of Kiloude city. Even though he asked his first Pokémon that question he already answered it himself. No. how can he be ready. He will never be able to catch up to her. Who was he kidding?

He looked over at his silent Pokémon with a raised eyebrow, it usually answered him. He watched as its eyes suddenly widened and before he knew it his Pokémon was knocked off its feet by an overly excited Delphox. The Delphox's embrace was returned as his Greninja excitingly greeted its friend.

"Delphox?" Calem questioned. His ears picked up the sound of panting and he turned to the steps to see Serena looking back at him. She was beautiful, her eyes twinkled and her smile grew.

"Se….Serena…." His heart pounded and his face grew warm as he looked at her but those feelings left him as he watched the tears streak her cheeks and a feeling of concern overwhelmed him. "Serena?!"

Serena looked at his handsome face and sweet eyes and her heart pounded harder than ever. Her face grew warm but she did not mind. She was so happy. So happy her tears returned. She saw his concerned expression and just smiled back, continuing her run and embracing him she cried.

Calem was too shocked (and too pleased to be honest) to move but after a moment he slowly wrapped his arms around her and embraced her tightly.

Serena fell to her knees in exhaustion and pulled Calem down with her so they both kneeled on the grass, hugging each other tightly.

"Serena….what's wrong? Why are you crying?" he finally asked, not wanting to let her go but too concerned to remain silent.

"I have been looking everywhere for you, you idiot! I want to travel with you, I want to be with you! Don't you dare leave me again! Don't….Don't you dare…."

"Th…..Then lets….lets travel together." Calem stammered. He had no idea why he was saying that but was very pleased with the response. Serena looked up at him with the most beautiful smile as she nodded her head.

Calem went bright red as he looked away, pressing her head back to his chest so he could not see that beautiful look. Maybe he will try telling her later. Right now he was alright with just having her in his arms.

He felt like she admired him, and that made his heart glad.

That feeling of loss left her, and that made her heart joyful.

'_If I stay with her will I continue to feel this way?'_

'_If I stay with him will I never feel loss again?'_

There is only one way to find out.


End file.
